Hobbies: Growing porn star mustaches, giving mustache rides, talking during the national anthem, not even whispering Jason Infusino’s name, trying to piss off the world one sarcastic remark at a time.
2010 Outlook: Will sport sandwich board on Wisconsin Ave. every week day (except Thursdays) from 5-7:00 p.m. until admitted to
Marquette Law School.
4 Aaron Dolan, 6'-0” 185 R/R SS
Heaven
The Rev graced us with his presence after consulting God and maybe Meier. A
slick fielder with plenty of range and a plus arm, Dolan filled a big gap in
the hole with the retirement of Ellifson to married life and oldness. A
solid two hitter, Dolan provides a spark to the top of the lineup. He even
began to speak towards the end of the year.
Hobbies: Hot tubs, showing up at game time, spreading the word, not talking to teammates, having women show up to watch the game and then whisking them away before any of us can talk to them.
2010 Outlook: Much to the relief of his teammates, Dolan will be back providing quality glove work up the middle and demolishing SW pitching in the two hole. A.D. will surely drain the Rebels end of the year fund for gas money. Please note that game times vary due to Mass.
Hobbies: Going to the Dells, kung fu, texting while driving and classic piano
2010 Outlook: Should make his way into the lineup if we can keep him away from Noah’s Ark.
11 Tyler Gainer,
5’9” 175 R/R 2B, SS
Hartford H.S./ Hartford H.S.
A
youngster whose presence combats Wersh to lower our average age. Tyler was
born in the 90’s, which is messed up. For some inexplicable reason his
parents allow him to hang around this team. Tyler has plenty of upside as a
baseball player if he can avoid the bad examples that surround him on
weekends.
Hobbies: Missing batting practice to attend church, learning to drive, playing in games after ours, learning the Spanish language, building thatched huts and taking college admissions tests.
2010 Outlook:
Tyler will have chance
to grow up quickly on the diamond as the youngster may see some league
action early in the season prior to commencing his quest to save the world.
First stop Guatemala.
12 Nick Heckenkamp, 5’-0” 130 R/R 2B,
SS, C
Home Skooled / UW Whitewater
Nick was a newcomer to the Rebels in 2009 after being the first person to
actually contact the team through the website. Last year, he bore a striking
resemblance to an early Fred Savage and now after an off-season training
program with Mark McGuire Heckenkamp showed up in the Spring looking more
like Sooners quarterback Sam Bradford. Nick will fill in anywhere the team
needs him, including catcher where he likes to use his chest protector to catch
fastballs. N.H. looks to be a vastly improved ballplayer this spring
and should be a big piece of the puzzle in 2010.
Hobbies: Starring in Boy Meets World, college, Spring Break, tanning, and keeping it real.
2010 Outlook: Nick’s versatility will be relied on heavily as work and family commitments will have a number of Rebels' veterans miss games this year. Example #1 was his work behind the dish to help the Rebs take the Gibson-Meeth Memorial Tournament.
14 Dave Hellman, 5’11” 170 R/R IF
Kettle Morain H.S.
After starring in the hit
TV show Thundercats, Dave brought his big bat and flowing red hair to the
Rebels. His clutch hitting has provided a big boost to an already potent
Rebels lineup. No
one can seem to figure out why his nickname is "Mayo," but it's probably
because his high on base percentage is the perfect ingredient to set up the
meat of the batting order.
Hobbies: nun chucks,
somersaults, sandwiches, mouth breathing, observing the “weekend” rule, &
taking wicked ground balls off the shins.
2010 Outlook:
After a break out year
at the dish in which he lead the team in batting average, Lionel will try to
keep his hot streak going and I am not talking about his red hair. Off
season shoulder surgery will have the Rebels cautious with Mayo's playing
time early in the season, but will need his stick back in the lineup as soon
as he is healthy.
15 Chris Elliott, 5’11” 210 R/R 1B, DH
Notre Dame H.S. (Chicago, IL)/ Carroll University
Elliot, a
three-year veteran for the Rebels looks to provide the punch in the heart of
the batting order for the boys from Genesee. Fresh off of a banner year for
Carroll University, he is ready for the "big time" this summer in Land O
Lakes ball. Wooganowski has also shown his prowess in the field at first
base this season, often refusing to use a glove at first base to garner even
the hardest-hit liners.
Hobbies: Inventing revolutionary new batting stances, keeping sweat pants relevant, watching Cameron Diaz movies, ranch, crossing the line with new teammates, wearing flannel shirts & lots of layers.
2010 Outlook:
Chris will continue to be a fixture in the middle of the Rebels line-up, who
shows power to all fields and has the ability to drive in runs in bunches.
His steady performance at first base will also make him a vital asset on the
defensive front.
16 Jim Szajna, 6’2” 185 L/L OF, 1B, DH
Kettle Moraine H.S.
The older
half of the Szajna tag team duo, Jim continues to drag is left leg out to
right field for the Rebels. Despite an inability to move, Jim still swings
a good bat from the left side and makes stand up doubles exciting. Jim will
continue to dabble on the mound by attacking batters with his limbs flailing
all over the place.
Hobbies: Carpentry, parking his car away from potential collisions with the batting cage, babies, and fireworks.
2010 Outlook: Led the team in hits ’08, Jim will be looking to return to form in ’10 as long as he can stay off the ski slopes.
17 Brian Szajna, 5’11’ 182-1/8 R/R
IF
Kettle Moraine H.S.
Younger brother of Rebels veteran Jim Szajna, Brian brings an enthusiasm
that has not been seen since the days of catcher Greg Harms. Has already
contributed more to the team than most by solving the 2006 hat purchasing
fiasco. A raw talent with a big upside, Brian last played baseball in
puddles. Posses lightning quick hands a la Rickie Weeks and Joel Katte.
Will most likely lead the team in swinging bunt singles.
Hobbies: Michael
Jackson, laughing awkwardly, Five Hour Energy, mopeds, working on achieving
an 8th grade literacy level, polishing his dome and 1980’s
women’s running suits.
2010 Outlook: Expected to piss off 96.3% of the league with his
mere presence. Hopes to read ground balls better than the written word.
18 John Pfeiffer, 6’-1” 195 L/SW P, OF
Home Skooled
John was a
welcome addition to the Rebels in 2009, fresh after graduation from his
house. John provided a live arm on the mound to complement DeMarais and
will only continue to improve as he gets older and gets more comfortable
throwing with his left arm.
Hobbies: Attempting to break his ankle running out ground balls, being Mayo’s doppelganger, trying not to mouth breath, left handed at bats, & hitting batters on 0-2 counts.
2010 Outlook: A late addition to the team in ’09, the Rebels are counting heavily on Pfeiffer as the #2 pitcher behind DeMarais. John will also see some time in the OF.
19 Joel Meier, 6’0” 190 R/R OF, P
Watertown Luther Prep H.S./ Carroll College
He has taken over 3-bag duties
aftr the departure of KK brother #1. His
consistent, productive hitting and speed on the base paths has
allowed the Rebels to overlook
his terrible habit of fielding
the ball with his eyes closed and his head turned to the side. (Hey
not everyone can field that position like his predecessor JerrySplash......with
his teeth.) He is also the team trainer, who after years of schooling and
practice on high school
athletes, Meier brings his craft to Genesee to nurse
the old knees, sore arms and bruised brains of these so
called athletes. He is world renowned for his
backrubs, especially on teammate's girlfriends during our forced family fun gatherings. And
can often be heard keeping the Reb's hot mouths in check with his trademark
line "Watch your gd's and jc's you f#@$&!"
Hobbies: Athletic Training,
P90X for a couple weeks, wearing transition lenses, taking his glorious time
between pitches, transition lenses
2010 Outlook: Trying to avoid being the first Rebel to have a heart attack on the field.
20 Steve Engel, 6’1” 195 R/R OF Kettle Moraine H.S./ Genesee Rebels Still going strong since ’92, coincidentally the same year that the grey patch started to grow in his hair. Old Style consistently
leads the team in bean balls every year. As steady as they come he plays LF like he owns it, Steve will be counted on to bring more
of the same in his 57th year. Was the recent recipient of a brand new hip in the offseason. (He doesn't remember because they did the
surgery while he was passed out.....again.)
Hobbies: Getting vertigo, playing baseball on zero hours of sleep, trying to avoid catching,
2010 Outlook:
The new hip was the most likely the casual factor in the foot
injury Engel sustained while running down the first base line in the first
game of 2010. Will try and manage Rebels life and a steady relationship
for consecutive seasons, a tall task.
22 Matt DeMarais, 6’0” 175 R/R P, IF,
OF
Cotter H.S. (Winona, MN)/ Carroll University
2009 marked
the return of the ace of the Rebels pitching staff after a one year hiatus
while he waiting for Sturtevant and Elliott to graduate due the tyranny of
the NCAA. DeMarais led the team in almost every pitching category while
being named to the all-star team. He probably would have had a few more
wins if the Rebs could have given him some more runs, but he gives the team
a chance to win whenever he pitches.
Hobbies: Getting married, knocking up his wife on one try, taking care of Bauer’s glove, throwing over to 1st, coaching kids, & restraining himself from punching students.
2010 Outlook:
Look for another strong season from DeMarais as he continues to develop his
off speed pitches and parenting skills. Will attempt to complete a feat that
no other man has, play baseball the day after his wedding (check) and the
birth of his first born.
23 Mark “Dad” Wershay, 6”4” 249 L/L
1B, P, OF/ MGR
Kettle Moraine H.S./ Univ. of Oklahoma
Runs the
show.
Hobbies: Being old, shot skiing, leaving establishments unannounced, talking about retirement, cooking pizzas for hours at a time,
2010 Outlook: Will try to hang with all these youngsters....both on the field and off
27 Jason
Infusino, 5’11” 190 R/R OF
Notre Dame H.S. (Chicago, IL)/ Carroll University/ Unknown Cemetery in Green
Bay
A product of
Carroll University, Jason as a four-year starter and one of the best players
to come out of that program, which, indicative of their record as of late,
is the equivalent of being the anchor leg on a Special Olympics relay team.
Jason was an athletic outfielder with a strong arm and a real nose for
hitting. Anyone standing within three feet of his beak knows that. Jason's
strong arm was cultivated with some diligent bicep curls in front of his
full length mirror wearing a button down shirt exposing his gold chain and
hairless chest.
Hobbies: Lifting weights, teaching Tae-Bo to divorcees and cougars, getting Italian flags tattooed on his back, practicing drinking games, buying baseball products at a discount through his work and asking everyone what they paid for their stuff, being really aggressive, owing Chris Elliott rent, hating Matt Bauer and accusing him of being the Devil, dying tragically.
Future Outlook:
Jason started the season off quite strong before dying tragically on May 15,
2009. Jason is survived by his mother, father, sister and brother. If
anyone is interested you may visit his grave in the Green Bay area, and if
you are able to locate it make sure you let Chris Elliott know where it is
so he can dig him up and get that rent. May turn up on the Jersey Shore.
Hobbies: Being your friend on Facebook, tossing lumber high in the air after being plunked by pitches, drop of a hat trips to Chicago, racking up free shots - waiting for the right time to cash them in, CB radios, texting Brian Szajna unintelligible messages late at night, demanding the proper enunciation of his last name, falling off bar stools, drinking two beers and then throwing stuff.
2010 Outlook: Bruce will continue to provide outstanding defense and hitting in the middle of the lineup for as long as we can coerce him into making the drive. Will probably also make some questionable decisions on the base paths that will somehow work out in his favor.
13 Kyle Kiesgen 5’-2”, 298 R/R INF/C
Kettle Moraine H.S. / Everywhere
Rumors
swirled in the offseason about a possible return to the Rebels in
2008. Those rumors have been confirmed as FTL was seen at last
Thursday's practice. There was no mistaking that umpire chest protector-like
hair pillow lurking below his shirt. Kiesgen free of commitment after taking
a stab at a long term relationship seemed to be clear minded and in mid
season form. It is absolutely true that his return was dependent on the team
carrying three guys other than himself that can catch. The Rebels will need
his veteran leadership and knack for driving balls into the gaps if they
want to make some noise in the SW this season
Hobbies: Knowing everyone in the LOL SW personally, driving a lot, beer-tini's, hugging, holding six jobs, showing up for BP in a bath towel, finding T.A.T. look-a-likes in the middle of the north woods, and thank goodness baseball
2010 Outlook: Kyle will make at least one Rebels veteran shat himself. It's not that he's shat in your pants funny, it's just that quite a few of these Rebs are old. Could be the final straw in Tyler being grounded from the Rebels.
“RETIREES”
7 Joe Ellifson, 5’9” 170 R/R OF
Kettle Moraine H.S./ Dousman Frogs
This not so young
man has played Lakes ball since the tender age of 16. He spent a good share
of that time on the Dousman roster before he wised up, dropped that monkey
off his back, and suited up with the Rebels. His aerodynamic hairline and
unique bone structure made him a terror on the base paths as well as in the
field. Joey held down Center for years, and then made a transition to
shortstop when he lost a step due to the rumored pregnancy later discovered
to be a food baby. He once credited his tight glove work to the kung-fu
grip developed during the “draught of `05 thru `07”. He has been an
all-star on multiple occasions and led his teams in several categories over
the years.
Hobbies: Bare-back horse riding, marinating steak, enjoying the sweet, sweet sounds of Michael Bolton & having immaculately straight teeth.
2010 Outlook:
Semi-retired. No Nooooo!
13 David Fritz 6’4, 150 R/R 3B
Fritz is entering his fourth season
as a Rebel. While no one is entirely sure what his first name is, it is
certain that he is an integral part of the Rebel’s success. While his
primary position is handling screamers at the hot corner, he has also been
known to liven up the Rebels with his random and off-hand comments in the
dugout. His motivational speeches include the classical comments “I am
pretty sure I just sh*t myself” “I think I am sweating and pissing booze”
and “How do you mark ‘F*cking retarded base running’ in the book?” Before
wielding a 33 inch bat as his weapon of choice, Fritz enjoyed carrying
around an M16 Assault rifle as a member of the US Marine Corps. Making the
switch from shooting “charlies” to shooting the gaps appeared to be an easy
one for this true American hero.
Hobbies: Stripping to the hit “In the Navy,” flexing his shoulder blades while watching “Angels in the Outfield”, being a constant “wing-man” to himself, drinking until it hurts, attending the “University of Phoenix” (not sure if it really exists), checking out babes while wearing his aviators, Saturday classes with the Man, motorcycles, lankiness, wings, wearing baggy Under Armour, explosives, Soduku, tequila shooters, bringing ballerina moves to the batter's box
2010 Outlook: Moving to California.
24 Sean Fleming,
5’10” 170 R/R 2B(3B only in E.T.)
Kettle Moraine H.S.
Sean provided
one half of a solid double play combo with Joe Joe in recent years. The
Macho Man finally hung them up in ’08, which left a void at 2B along with
small children screaming Village People hits. When Sean retired our fan
base got cut in half. He will probably sneak away for a couple games a year
when it feels right or when Wersh demands satisfaction.
Hobbies: Rocking chairs, sweating alcohol Sunday mornings post 'cards with the tards', the underhand game, making public appearances as Alfalfa of Little Rascals fame
2010 Outlook: Hoping to avoid calls from Wersh…